When the line is drawn, it is obvious I'm at the other side.


Never thought things will be like this. Just like a carrier dumped into the drain, it can kill a life. (something like that).

In the midst of stress, fatigue, systematic way of life, I lost track of feelings, time, responsibility and myself.
Sorry.

That was a careless mistake, a causual remark; don't take it to heart. Xoxo

It reflects how lousy I am: a fail student, lover, daughter, friend, life.
It just hit hard and weirdly, hard.


Always so selfish, so bad. I can't stand myself, too. Sorry, really.

I am too, one of the souls out there. Another mad selfish soul.

I'm constantly upset with myself. I never think before I speak, especially when I'm angry/not in a good mood. Desperately needs some mood/anger managing skills. Impart me, someone?

when words come out like blades, they cut both ways.
That's right, double-edged sword.

I got to stop blogging about what I feel (I did cool down before I do that post anyway)
Imagine how bad I'd write if I blog at that very... Implusive moment.

It's like, things happening at home. I stopped blogging about them. Any bad shit.
I just, breathe.
Can't let my heart take over my head again.

Wouldn't let 1 unhappy event ruin all we have.



To those that care/bother/love me: I can't swear, but I'd work hard and try my best to control my mood/anger and be less irritating alright!


At least I don't flare up as much. Everytime I control my mood i will feel so happy and will give myself a pat on the back. Finally growing up. Hooooo. Don't care I insist on this point despite the constant figure in height.

I don't wanna lose any of you, including LOML(figure this out yourself if you don't know what is it). Baby, appreciate my efforts! Good bye.

Typed by a weary girl in the middle of the night with super not user-friendly iPhone blogging site.

I never felt so much in a day before. Yesterday somebody, not sure whether it is an accident or not, jumped. I'm like searching for words to use to write this post. It is hard. Hard to express what I want to say. A mixture of emotions. No, turmoil, a state of blank.


She is not someone I know but I'm super lost and sad at that moment. Well, she fell right next to my house and I have a clear view of everything.


Life, so fragile. 




I did not witness the whole process of... death. I'm thankful I didn't. Couldn't sleep last night and mind was all messed up just by looking at the aftermath. I would certainly go bonkers if I did.
Thank god, literally.


So this was what happened. I napped like 3 times yesterday. So mad tired and I'm aching so badly because of that irritating monthly cycle. Imagine I didn't sleep, I would have heard the bangs, the screams, the commotions. Me being myself, I would definitely check it out.

And that will be the worst choice of my life.
I know, I always watch people killing one another, eating each other blahblahblah on tv but when it comes to real life situations, I don't think I'm fit to handle it.




Thank you all the aches and sores.



Anyhow, I only realised this whole thing when I'm keeping the laundry at 7pm. Was shocked when I see a policeman downstairs with a tent.

Called sm but she didn't pick up. Her phone >.<. I'm so lost, seriously lost. Called mum and only managed to calm down when sister reached home.


A lot of people are.
But I ain't. 



I know, who don't die? In fact, people die every single day for every other reason. But I never thought it'd be so near to me. So near. It's like watching a movie in 3d. Yet, it is not something you can brush off after the whole 'show' ended.




I cannot imagine what I'd do if someone close passed away. I can't. Plain crazy.



I'm not afraid or anything because I've nothing to do with this whole thing.
I'm just affected. Traumatised. Shocked. And perhaps, depressed as well.
I can't help to wonder how her family is going to handle this. Pray everything will be better though words can't change the fact forever.


I hate to say this but this is part and parcel of life.
Now I only hope my family, friends and love ones stay with me, till death do us apart.



From now on, I would want to create more happy memories, for myself and for others. Because in life, you will never know what happen next.


You too,  okay?

I FORGOT WHEN I SLEPT PAST 10 ALL THE WAY TO 11!!! all the early tuition and school.

So shiok I want more of it!
Anyhow, if you read my tweets/fb, obviously something happened in the house again yo.

Idk how this is going to stop, or how to handle it anymore. If I post it on fb then quite obvious I want her to read and maybe possibly think a little? Shes on fb most of the time yeah.


And I really dk should I give her that list of all the things she've use. They are not public goods okay. When she consume 1 I've 1 less for myself.  so xi Qi wo because she's so stingy. Every month earn nearly 1k working part time and ALWAYS telling mum how poor she is... Asking them for money for every single shit. Parents expect me to pay my own uni fees? Idk-.- but what's with paying all the shit for her??

Okay this shan't turn into a hate post...


The main point is, despite all this, I'm thinking, should I get something for her as her present? 21. It's a pretty big thing. I used to give her present every year when I was younger.. And they are not cheap at all plus things she like. What she buy for both me and my Sid is value dollar things oh yeahhh? Not to mention she just conveniently forget about t. So I stop. Every year it is like this. I get presents, plan birthdays for them and they just forget about 18/5z. This is a big deal because do you know how much I really look forward to it. Even a simple cake and waking up to a bear keychain. But things will never be the sane?



Middle chIld-___-