Feed on my self-esteem until none is left








Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
School.
Didn't even realise I didn't blog for quite some time. Weird.

School is so busy nowadays. I will give up computer time for shopping, tv and sleep. Been sleeping before 12. Or 12.30am. Good good.


Got some stuff these few days.
1. Pens
2. Vans
3. Hair stuff. Go B1 chameleon today. Everything 10 for $5. How to resist?!

Not very nice+new but there were some good stuff. Anyhow, I need something other than all the frustrating shit I've been going through. 
Got 20 items in total for $10. Worth it.
Love the zebra print hair tie.



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Woke up super late today. Rushing like mad. Forgot to bring most of my work fml. Stoning throughout most of the lessons. Mood was horrible.






Sometimes it's pretty hard.

"When someone asked you what's wrong. You couldn't answer because they were the reason"
A quote I can never comprehend, until today.

I'm easily influenced and tend to change my opinion on things if you try to reason it out.


It was driving me crazy because sometimes people don't understand.
The thing is, if I got it wrong once, it's alright, I'd try again. Twice, thrice.. etc. But come to a point when I'm so scared of making any errors deemed "wrong" in their eyes I can't do/like what I want anymore.


People are so quick to pass judgment and they never consider how you'd feel about it.
Even if you dislike something, phrase them in a better way?

Being truthful is good but not to the extent you forget others do have feelings too.
Everyone views different things differently. 



When I open up, people either don't care or judge. So, what's the point?
Extremely weird to come out from my mouth but this is exactly how I feel nowadays.




I'm still a happy girl after everything but maybe just teeny bit less happy.

Blog later. Now I've to clear all the work and meet the girls online to discuss what to pack for UK!
Hahaaa packing is like the best thing to do for a trip. But the thing is we are pretty limited on the type/style we want to wear wth.
Hope what I wanna wear is "acceptable". Not bao lu kind la. So cold how to? I'll probably become another block of ice and join yq the ice prince *winks*

Okay maybe something like that:

No words can express how down I'm feeling right now. My life is in a fucking mess and I can do nothing to help, at all. I never felt so helpless before, never. I feel sad. Sad is a word I never really understood until today, this very moment.

Today wasn't a good day.


I studied carbonyl (dk for what) so left the important ones, untouched. Who can be more stupid than me?
I seriously can't find an answer.
Well, that isn't any big deal cause it's my fault for not preparing for it earlier. No one to blame.


I hardly dwell over unhappy stuff in studies. I know I can do better if I have prepared for it and that's makes everything better. At least I know I can. Just put in the effort.




However, what happened was really too much for me to take.




Who the hell injured his/her backbone during standing board jump? You got your answer, me.



It's hurts as though someone is constantly pounding into that area. Hurts so much every when I'm sitting.
I never hurt my back before so I am really at a loss now.
Well, I hope salonpas works, provided I can buy one by today. If not, I really doubt whether I can get out of bed tomorrow.


That's not exactly something that has the capability to crush me like a peanut.


I checked the weather forecast. A supposedly cloudy day turns out to be a hot-wet day. Hot initially and poured later. Glad the rain stopped.

Rain will dampen my mood for sure. Especially when I'm outdoors. Nothing makes me as pissed off as soaking wet shoes, damped paper (which will crumple/tear) and smelly clothes.


Well, if rain do bring me down I would most probably die of depression by now.




Something else happened.






In my whole entire life, I never really lost anything, physically.
The most is some skin when I suffer from sun burn, some hair when I chop them off, some nails when I clip them, some blood when I hurt myself... Nothing irreplaceable.


Who really bothers about material-loss anyway?
They are not born with you to start with.





However, just a moment ago my whole toe nail dropped off.
I don't know how to react. Calm yet dying. Mixed feelings.


The best solution is probably google for answers (since I doubt I know anyone whose toenail dropped off).
Freaked out by the results. Tell me, how?


All I know is cry, continue to google, bandage my toe and hope it will heal by tmr.
This year is really bad for rooster.

Come on the 12Jan! Free transport from woodlands MRT. 11am-5pm :D



 click below for POTD.

Hello I'm here again. Pretty vexed about some things.
1. I don't know whether it will be accepted, or not.
2. I don't know which one to get
3. I don't know whether I can manage
4. I don't know whether I'm made for the task or not.


Been researching for pretty long. A few weeks since that day. I still can't decide.

The saddest thing is, my passion for most of the things died after 3-minute. And there's so many what ifs to consider.
Vexed vexed vexed.


Actually I'm quite determined, in another words I've already decided long ago but I'm scared I couldn't manage. That's what keeping me from proceeding. There is way too much to consider.


In fact, I just need someone to tell me, I can do this and approval.That is pretty tough. A few more days to sort out thoughts.

There's quite a bit I've to give up if I really choose this path....

And I can't do vectors, deadline: tmr. I'm so dead.

Dear-all-nuaing-at-home,
I'm here again. It's pretty standard without school. Wake up > eat > use com > slack > nap > eat > watch tv > watch movie > sleep > repeat the whole cycle again.

Nowadays it's either freaking hot and rain like hell. This kinda weather how to go out?

So this is what I did: