I never felt so much in a day before. Yesterday somebody, not sure whether it is an accident or not, jumped. I'm like searching for words to use to write this post. It is hard. Hard to express what I want to say. A mixture of emotions. No, turmoil, a state of blank.


She is not someone I know but I'm super lost and sad at that moment. Well, she fell right next to my house and I have a clear view of everything.


Life, so fragile. 




I did not witness the whole process of... death. I'm thankful I didn't. Couldn't sleep last night and mind was all messed up just by looking at the aftermath. I would certainly go bonkers if I did.
Thank god, literally.


So this was what happened. I napped like 3 times yesterday. So mad tired and I'm aching so badly because of that irritating monthly cycle. Imagine I didn't sleep, I would have heard the bangs, the screams, the commotions. Me being myself, I would definitely check it out.

And that will be the worst choice of my life.
I know, I always watch people killing one another, eating each other blahblahblah on tv but when it comes to real life situations, I don't think I'm fit to handle it.




Thank you all the aches and sores.



Anyhow, I only realised this whole thing when I'm keeping the laundry at 7pm. Was shocked when I see a policeman downstairs with a tent.

Called sm but she didn't pick up. Her phone >.<. I'm so lost, seriously lost. Called mum and only managed to calm down when sister reached home.


A lot of people are.
But I ain't. 



I know, who don't die? In fact, people die every single day for every other reason. But I never thought it'd be so near to me. So near. It's like watching a movie in 3d. Yet, it is not something you can brush off after the whole 'show' ended.




I cannot imagine what I'd do if someone close passed away. I can't. Plain crazy.



I'm not afraid or anything because I've nothing to do with this whole thing.
I'm just affected. Traumatised. Shocked. And perhaps, depressed as well.
I can't help to wonder how her family is going to handle this. Pray everything will be better though words can't change the fact forever.


I hate to say this but this is part and parcel of life.
Now I only hope my family, friends and love ones stay with me, till death do us apart.



From now on, I would want to create more happy memories, for myself and for others. Because in life, you will never know what happen next.


You too,  okay?

Just realised I forgot to blog about Sat.
So here it is.

Went to meet y first, talked about vday (getting her present is a chore), bai nian a little before heading to Ape's house.

Basically I'm cai shen ye. Go there give moneh only.

Lost quite a bit, like 6 bux altogether?



Had a few rounds of in-between. Did not join the peeps for poker.
Ape's luck is super good!


Anyhow, sw and I were not bored as we were hooked on the game "bubble bobble"!.
If you have been reading/know me, you know I really love to play that shit! Childhood thing!
:D


Awesome or what?
We braced through many many levels and I think we stopped at aroubd 50+? Tired.




The guys went off and the mj crazy girls continued.

Touched by sw&Ape's notes. (Though there's grammar errors) D:


Thank you Sw, Yq, Ape, Vinus, tyx, tyx's mummy and wj for vday presents!
And an upcoming vday makeup lunch treat hahahah hello good food.

Alright I'm going to burn the essential oil (DAMN GOOD STUFF), do some work and vola! Sleep.

Super a lot of tags for this post!

No words can express how down I'm feeling right now. My life is in a fucking mess and I can do nothing to help, at all. I never felt so helpless before, never. I feel sad. Sad is a word I never really understood until today, this very moment.

Today wasn't a good day.


I studied carbonyl (dk for what) so left the important ones, untouched. Who can be more stupid than me?
I seriously can't find an answer.
Well, that isn't any big deal cause it's my fault for not preparing for it earlier. No one to blame.


I hardly dwell over unhappy stuff in studies. I know I can do better if I have prepared for it and that's makes everything better. At least I know I can. Just put in the effort.




However, what happened was really too much for me to take.




Who the hell injured his/her backbone during standing board jump? You got your answer, me.



It's hurts as though someone is constantly pounding into that area. Hurts so much every when I'm sitting.
I never hurt my back before so I am really at a loss now.
Well, I hope salonpas works, provided I can buy one by today. If not, I really doubt whether I can get out of bed tomorrow.


That's not exactly something that has the capability to crush me like a peanut.


I checked the weather forecast. A supposedly cloudy day turns out to be a hot-wet day. Hot initially and poured later. Glad the rain stopped.

Rain will dampen my mood for sure. Especially when I'm outdoors. Nothing makes me as pissed off as soaking wet shoes, damped paper (which will crumple/tear) and smelly clothes.


Well, if rain do bring me down I would most probably die of depression by now.




Something else happened.






In my whole entire life, I never really lost anything, physically.
The most is some skin when I suffer from sun burn, some hair when I chop them off, some nails when I clip them, some blood when I hurt myself... Nothing irreplaceable.


Who really bothers about material-loss anyway?
They are not born with you to start with.





However, just a moment ago my whole toe nail dropped off.
I don't know how to react. Calm yet dying. Mixed feelings.


The best solution is probably google for answers (since I doubt I know anyone whose toenail dropped off).
Freaked out by the results. Tell me, how?


All I know is cry, continue to google, bandage my toe and hope it will heal by tmr.
This year is really bad for rooster.