No words can express how down I'm feeling right now. My life is in a fucking mess and I can do nothing to help, at all. I never felt so helpless before, never. I feel sad. Sad is a word I never really understood until today, this very moment.

Today wasn't a good day.


I studied carbonyl (dk for what) so left the important ones, untouched. Who can be more stupid than me?
I seriously can't find an answer.
Well, that isn't any big deal cause it's my fault for not preparing for it earlier. No one to blame.


I hardly dwell over unhappy stuff in studies. I know I can do better if I have prepared for it and that's makes everything better. At least I know I can. Just put in the effort.




However, what happened was really too much for me to take.




Who the hell injured his/her backbone during standing board jump? You got your answer, me.



It's hurts as though someone is constantly pounding into that area. Hurts so much every when I'm sitting.
I never hurt my back before so I am really at a loss now.
Well, I hope salonpas works, provided I can buy one by today. If not, I really doubt whether I can get out of bed tomorrow.


That's not exactly something that has the capability to crush me like a peanut.


I checked the weather forecast. A supposedly cloudy day turns out to be a hot-wet day. Hot initially and poured later. Glad the rain stopped.

Rain will dampen my mood for sure. Especially when I'm outdoors. Nothing makes me as pissed off as soaking wet shoes, damped paper (which will crumple/tear) and smelly clothes.


Well, if rain do bring me down I would most probably die of depression by now.




Something else happened.






In my whole entire life, I never really lost anything, physically.
The most is some skin when I suffer from sun burn, some hair when I chop them off, some nails when I clip them, some blood when I hurt myself... Nothing irreplaceable.


Who really bothers about material-loss anyway?
They are not born with you to start with.





However, just a moment ago my whole toe nail dropped off.
I don't know how to react. Calm yet dying. Mixed feelings.


The best solution is probably google for answers (since I doubt I know anyone whose toenail dropped off).
Freaked out by the results. Tell me, how?


All I know is cry, continue to google, bandage my toe and hope it will heal by tmr.
This year is really bad for rooster.